Tell Me and I'll Tell You
by HogwartsAsWeKnowIt
Summary: Finally, I get Sirius to talk to me about Azkaban. One shot from Remus' POV. Please R


**Tell Me and I'll Tell You**

****_I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER_

* * *

"Remus, what is it you're not telling me?" asked Sirius. I sighed. Why did Sirius have to want to know everything?!

"It's nothing Padfoot," I replied. He gave me an unconvinced look. "Really."

"Look, please just spit it out."

"Why should I?"

"Because we're best friends."

"You're not my mother," I snapped.

To my surprise, Sirius' voice was still calm. "I'm quite aware."

"Please Sirius, just let me have one of my own secrets."

"We're the Marauders."

"Not anymore!" I yelled. How could Sirius still think that?!

"Remus John Lupin, I have had a lot of time to think about that, and I disagree."

"How much time?!"

"Twelve years."

"Is that really all you've thought about?" I asked softly. I tried not to be harsh when Sirius finally brought up the subject of Azkaban and wasn't screaming at somebody to shut up about it.

"Other things. The point is, we're still the Marauders."

"Not Peter," I immediately regretted the two words. Sirius fist cam slamming onto the table. Yet what he said was not what I expected.

"No matter what we've done, we're still the Marauders!"

"Sirius sit and calm down." Sirius sat and started to play with his food.

"Azkaban," I nudged quietly.

"What about it?" he replied in a warning tone. I would have to choose my words wisely.

"I'll tell you if you tell me."

Dropping his spoon on to the table, he sat back in his chair. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, and then his gaze came back at me. For the first time in my life, I saw tears in his eyes. His words came out in a choke.

"On that night you were gone. Peter was gone. James and Lily..."

It broke my heart to see him start to full out cry.

"Then I wanted revenge. My sadness had turned into anger. And then, I found Peter. He set me up. There was a wand behind his back and me looking furious. Of course everyone thought I had done it. You believed him. I was going to prison without a trial. You didn't stand up for me. No one did. And so, I was a criminal in a top security cell. I lost track of time. It could be Christmas but I never knew."

The thought struck me. I never realized that Sirius hadn't had a birthday or Christmas in twelve years.

"Sirius?" I interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"I've missed twelve birthdays and Christmases."

"And?"

"I don't believe it. What a friend I am. What did you want in Azkaban?"

"Freedom. Fresh air. You think we thought of presents?! No. It would be a miracle if we ever saw the sun or grass again."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "This is all my fault."

"Don't think that way," said Sirius firmly but his voice cracked. "If there's anyone to blame, it's me."

"But-"

"No Remus. I set myself in Azkaban. James and Lily didn't have to switch secret keepers. I didn't have to go searching for Wormtail."

"Tell me more."

"About?"

"Azkaban."

"That's enough."

"Please."

Sirius sighed then continued, "After a while, I forgot my middle name. I still can't remember." Another tear rolled down his cheek.

"It's Orion. You're full name is Sirius Orion Black," I told him, and I started to cry. He claimed that he could never be broken. Yet here he was. Broken by wounds that could not be healed.

"Thank you," said Sirius and I knew he meant it. He continued, "And Harry."

"What about him?" I asked.

"James named me godfather. I'm supposed to be raising him right now. Yet I let him go to the Dursleys to be tortured."

"That was Dumbledore's fault."

"Ha! Dumbledore! Boy do I hate him right now!"

"Sirius!" I exclaimed.

"What? I do. One minute I'm free from Azkaban and then he locks me into the prison of my own home! It's not fair!"

"Sirius, life isn't fair."

"You're telling me that?!"

"I'm serious."

"No I am!" said Sirius and I couldn't help but laughing. He hadn't joked in a long time, I knew.

"You'll never change, will you?" I questioned.

"Trust me," he said without a trace of a smile. "I've been changed."

There was a silence then he spoke again.

"So what's your secret?"

"Tonight I'm going out Tonks."

"You're kidding!"

"Nope."

"Oh gosh Remus!"

"Yep. Oh gosh me."

Sirius laughed in his bark-like way. "You're never gonna hear the end of it!"


End file.
